Eat.Wake.Sleep.

Eat. Wake. Sleep.

Sounds rather simple. In fact, as adults these three things are some of the easiest tasks we get to look forward to in our daily lives. I personally have never had difficulty with the sleeping or wake part, and my only issue with eating is that I am not one of those meal planner types. "Ugh, what are we going to do for dinner?" is a common phrase in our house.

Just typing that makes me chuckle to myself because maybe that is sign #1 that I am not a natural homemaker. Throughout my pregnancy I never feared that I would love my child more than anything. It was apparent that would be the case because I already found that I did love him, worry about him, and was concerned to do what is best for him. I'm beginning to realize that the saying "maternal instinct" really does mean those three things. I had feared, however, that I could be comfortable at being a mom. I never have had the desire when I saw another person's newborn to want to hold them. Instead I felt fear that I would accidentally drop them. It was other friends around me that would point out the cute baby in the store while I hadn't even notice one had passed by. So when I expressed this concern to people in the past I would always hear, "oh don't worry that stuff all kicks in as soon as you have your own."

Maybe it has just been a tough week and the holidays have gotten the best of me, but this whole mom gig really has hit a peak. The truths after 10 weeks.

Sometimes when I hold him I feel completely natural. Other times I feel like my arms are this skeleton around him and he is fighting to get comfortable.  It goes back to that love, worry and concern stuff. So in three weeks when I go back to work in a sad way it has me relieved. I feel terrible just typing that, but I want what is best for him and these people will actually know what they are doing.

Why am I sharing this with you all? Maybe I hope some other mom will speak up and say they had felt the same way. Maybe I'm tired of always looking on facebook and seeing people's perfect side shared and the flaws go unnoticed. Pardon my Jerry McGuire moment because I am sure after my morning yogurt I will look back on this post and sigh that I shared this. In the end, I will go back to trying that whole eat. wake. sleep. thing and hopefully in that specific order. To end this post I will share some "motherly" stuff I do know about my son. Although the mothering part isn't easy for me, the loving part is.

When he crunches his toes he doesn't feel good, but when he wiggles and spreads them you are doing something right.

When he touches his hand to my heart I know he means it.

He is not scared easily. He may flinch at Cooper's bark, but he has never cried over it. He may wiggle when you first put him in his bath, but he doesn't reach for you or cry out when you take him out of the water.

He wants to know everything. I think that is why he has a hard time napping because he is excited about the world around him. I have always felt that way too and tend to wake up before all of my friends so I can start learning that day.

He already thinks his father is the cat's meow. When Michael comes home he just beams at him and i know he will want to be just like him. It's okay son, I feel the same way too.

Some of my most favorite pictures I will ever see in my life.